”Anchor: Welcome back. With me in the studio, our military analyst, retired centurion Stercus Maximus.
Max: Good evening.
Anchor: Centurion, the big question: can Julius Caesar pull off this invasion of Britannia ?
Max: It’s a big call, Brutus. Caesar is gonna have to ship his legions out of Gaul and safely across the Canalis Anglicus and hit the ground running. Not easy.
Anchor: And the Britanniae will be there in force, in their furs and skins, painted in woad, hurling rocks and so on. Will they put up a tough defence?
Max: Correct. But you gotta remember, Brutus, this is 54BC. We Romans have a huge high-tech advantage here. We got the wheel, the chariot, the horse, the gladius.
Anchor: The gladius?
Max: It’s a sword. We’ve had it since the second Punic War. Cutting-edge stuff. And Caesar’s legions are combat veterans, they’ve fought their way up from Rome, they’re gonna go in hard when they hit the beach.
Anchor: Can we expect a lot of damnum transversum among the Britanniae?
Max: Damnum transversum? You mean collateral damage. Yes, I hope so. It’s the only way to win a war: massacre the women and children; pillage, rape, burn their homes and crops, that sort of thing. Julius will be very aware of this. Shock and awe.
Anchor: So you’re calling a Roman victory ?
Max: I like to think we’re liberating the Britanniae, Brutus, but absolutely: the legions will take Londinium in three days. ”